i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
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