I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
