I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
