he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
