I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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