you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
