There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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