you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
nutella sex= disaster
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize