I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Randomize
