jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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