im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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