I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
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