I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize