dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My life is pants optional.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
