She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
