I CAN MOONWALK!
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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