I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize