Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize