D3 body, D1 cock
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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