My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
