He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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