You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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