i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
