girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
