so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
