We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
