so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
