Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Randomize
