he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
