he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
