How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
