True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
