You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
