This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
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