Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Mom said you looked used
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
