bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
