You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize