just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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