Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Randomize
