mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
