You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
