When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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