I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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