just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
