Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
