dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
