Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
