lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
