I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
