I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
