I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
