i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize