I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Randomize
