Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
