hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Randomize
