Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
