Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
