I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
