Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
