I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
