These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
