So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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