My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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