The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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