I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
