It's like a parade of train wrecks.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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