Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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