Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
