I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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