is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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