so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Randomize
