Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
